My Way
Songfic OA : Frank Sinatra ---- And now, the end is here, And so I face the final curtain Life seemed too short. And Icepaw couldn't bring herself to say about Cloudwind's death. To say that Cloudwind was dead would make it irreversible and final. And Icepaw didn't want that. Icepaw wanted to say that Cloudwind died because Aspenfoot wounded him. That would make it a lot better and that big lump of guilt would rise above him. But no, it didn't. He knew deep in his heart that Cloudwind's death was his fault. Death was a weird thing. When you first experience it, you think that the cat will come back up, come back and keep on fighting. After a while, the truth slowly sinks in. And then you actually take the blow. Icepaw sort of wished that there wouldn't be a body to bury, like Stormpaw's death. It would make it feel like Stormpaw would be coming out of the apprentice den, his joyful clear voice ringing out to tease him. Now it felt like Icepaw just lost Stormpaw and Cloudwind. He pushed the thought of Stormpaw away but his death still remained clear in his mind. My friend, I'll say it clear I'll state my case, of which I'm certain The only fight that was going on was the fight between Stormpaw and Polly. Since the other clanmates had come to help, Icepaw, Deerfang, Stormpaw, and Brookflower wasn't alone. ''' Icepaw thought that Stormpaw had no need to fight. But Stormpaw had a grudge against Polly ever since his birth; Polly killed his entire family. And this wasn't a fight to attack. It was the fight to the death.' ''But before Stormpaw's death, Icepaw knew that Stormpaw wouldn't survive. Polly was a full grown warrior. As Brookflower was about to step in to help Stormpaw, Icepaw watched Stormpaw taunting Polly. ''"What will your rogues do when I defeated you? Maybe they will cower and cry to their mommies?" Stormpaw taunted. But his voice faltered when he saw the true danger. He was right on the edge of the cliff. As Stormpaw gripped the flesh that should have been Polly's death blow, Polly pushed Stormpaw out of the way. ''It happened so slowly. Stormpaw gracefully fell in an arch and Icepaw's scream lasted forever. Icepaw shook her head violently. He shouldn't have seen that. He didn't have time to replay every single moment of Stormpaw's death. It made it fresh and clear in his mind. But then he was plunged into another vision of terror. ''Cloudwind... no!" Cloudwind's came rushing up towards the hill. Icepaw didn't need Cloudwind to protect him.. he can protect himself. But Icepaw knew that he couldn't defend against three large rogues, Thorn, Snake, and River. ''But they weren't looking to kill him. They wanted to kill Cloudwind, the deputy and Icepaw's mentor. ''Icepaw froze in fear. His mentor shouldn't be here. But he was. ''Then the tiny rogue came up. Icepaw recognized him. It wasn't a rogue; it was a clan cat, a cat known by Larkpaw. ''And he was Icepaw's archnemesis. 'I've lived a life that's full 'I traveled each and ev'ry highway ''"Kill him," said the brown tabby. Icepaw thought his name was Snake. "Do your job." ''If Icepaw knew if Larkpaw would kill Cloudwind three moons ago, he would have laughed. Larkpaw was a bully, but not a murderer. ''But Larkpaw had changed. ''But Larkpaw hesitated before he struck. ''"Are you a coward? Do you job!" said a harsh cold voice. Icepaw turned around. It was Aspenfoot. ''Then Aspenfoot struck Cloudwind, then the world went silent. Icepaw shook his head again. ''I can't have these flashbacks... "Icepaw! Are you coming to the vigil?" shouted a voice. Icepaw spun around. It was Patchsong. A few moons older than Icepaw but they are friends, no doubt. "I guess," answered Icepaw. ''And more, much more than this, I did it my way ''Regrets, I've had a few "Can a cat come back as a ghost?" Icepaw asked Bumblestar, in the dead of night. Icepaw hoped that he could see Stormpaw and Cloudwind again, as imprints of themselves. "Ghost? They come back as spirits of StarClan!" exclaimed Bumblestar. "I know that you very well don't believe in StarClan but no, they don't haunt the camp... Cloudwind's death was very sad for you, I know but they live in your heart. I know how you feel." "I DON'T BELIEVE IN STARCLAN AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW—I—FEEL!" screamed Icepaw. All the hatred for Bumblestar and his so called StarClan exploded out of him. "WHERE IS—THE—PROOF?" "Calm down, Icepaw. Let's chat," he replied somewhat calmly. "LET'S CHAT? CHATTING WON'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT CLOUDWIND IS.... DEAD!" "You can leave if you please. But if you don't, I don't blame you. You weren't born as a forest cat," Bumblestar said impatiently. "Just because I wasn't born as a forest cat never meant I was different," Icepaw replied stoutly. "I never said that. Forest born cats easily believe about StarClan. Sleep tonight and think about the dream you will get..." Icepaw stopped before he left the den. "How do you know I will get a dream?" he asked with a bit of contempt in his voice. "I know. I just know..." ''But then again, too few to mention ''I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption The dreams did come. Cloudwind looked far younger than before. His long silvery gray fur swept the grass before them. His green eyes pierced through him. Stormpaw was here too. His darker, less coarse fur was a difference with Cloudwind's fur. Stormpaw did look about a moon younger. And most of all, his white stripe on his muzzle, the same place as Icepaw's, was still there. Icepaw had no idea what to say. But he manage to stutter, "Is StarClan real?" Cloudwind answered him. "It depends what you mean by what is real. If you believe that there is a creature called Igaboo, then it might be there. If you believe that there is an afterlife called ShrewsaresoawesomebecausetheyarereallysupertastyClan, then there might be an actual afterlife with that name. "But you ask me the question, is StarClan real? It is very much real, dear. So many cats had believed in the idea of it that it did become real. Stormpaw here didn't believe in it but he did go to StarClan because it had become a common place to go when you are dead. So if you have no belief, then you will either go to StarClan, if you are good, or The-Place-Where-It-Should-Not-Be-Named if you are bad." And Icepaw had another question. "Do you believe in StarClan, Stormpaw?" Stormpaw just laughed. "Me? Believe in StarClan? Okay, I am here in StarClan. I was born a kittypet, just like you, Icepaw. I was called Peter (what type of name is Peter?) and you were called Icy. I never believe in StarClan. I swore I never will. And yes, I do not believe in StarClan. Actually, sometimes I think that I am alive but just hallucinating. That this is just a dream. It is also funny that my father was a clan cat but... he mated with a kittypet. " Then again, Icepaw was bursting with another question. "Do you regret... dying? Did you want to die?" "I didn't want to die, at that moment. I had a full life in front of me. But I think I sort of avenged my father, Starlingflame and my mother, Poppy's lives. And of course, I think I sort of avenged Teddy's life too. You probably didn't forget my brother already?" Cloudwind had a different answer. "I lived a full life. I had a mate, both with kits. I was deputy. I had the best apprentices, you Icepaw and Brackenflight. But it was intertwined with sadness. I witnessed the rogues killing Brackenflight. I witnessed two of my kits dying, then my mate leaving me. But no life can ever be full without sorrow. "I wasn't that old. I was only 48 moons old. Yet, I think that I had a full life. I died the way I wanted too. So I don't regret dying. Sorrow and joy along the way. That is the secret to a complete life. Not complete happiness. I am talking about complete life, Icepaw." "Can I ask you one last question?" Cloudwind nodded. "Does it hurt? Dying?" Cloudwind smiled softly. "Dying? Not at all. Quicker and easier than falling asleep. The blackness just pulls you in. Don't fight it unless you really need too. "Remember, Icepaw. I am here for you. Stormpaw too. We will be with you until your last breath. Even though I might have been gone, I am in your heart. Have courage, Icepaw. You may need it." ''I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway ''And more, much more than this, I did it my way Icepaw woke up in a start. The apprentice den felt empty with Larkpaw being AWOL and Stormpaw being dead. But he did feel something different. Icepaw still didn't believe in StarClan but he had renewed strength. And Cloudwind said something. "Even though I might have been gone, I am in your heart. And he felt the souls of Cloudwind touching his heart. Maybe Stormpaw was here too. And he did feel it. And Poppypaw did feel it too. "You are different. Yesterday, you looked terrible. Now, you seem... jolly." And her compliment was worth it. Her bright ginger fur made him stop for a second. Everyone thought that Icepaw had matured. He did mature over the next sunrises. He thought about death and how it affected him. ''Cloudwind mentioned that a full life was filled with joys and sorrows. And joys and sorrows it had become. Icepaw turned into Icewind, in the honor of Cloudwind. Poppypaw decided to take her warrior name as Poppystorm in the name of her cousin, Stormpaw. Everything seemed fine. But Icewind knew danger was looming far out. A snake was out there, ready to strike. "Have courage, Icepaw. You may need it." ''Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew ''When I bit off more than I could chew They were attacked in the middle of leaf fall. The rogues never seemed to give up. It was in the middle of camp. Cats where screaming. The nursery was on fire. The rogues were ready to strike. Claws against claws. Fangs against fangs. Icewind sensed smoke. His first apprentice, Frostpaw (Cloudwind's son) rushed up to him. Icewind spoke calmly and slowly. "Go. Protect the kits. Now!" Then there was Poppystorm. She had his kits. She was in the nursery but he doubted that she would be stuck in there for long. To another apprentice, he barked, "Go and get moss filled water! From the stream and try to calm the fire down, even if for a little!" And to another apprentice, he shouted, "Go and help the queens! Save them!" He was getting panicky. The warriors were outnumbered. The warriors were losing. Then a low scream pierced through the red sky of screaming, of pain. Frostpaw rushed back to him, looking very very scared and strangely, remorseful. Then he realized why. Frostpaw had told him, "Come! Now! Thorn, one of the rogues, had wounded Poppystorm. And she... was kitting." ''But through it all, when there was doubt ''I ate it up and spit it out The world ended that day. The rogues won. They killed Bumblestar. They killed Poppystorm. They killed everyone. Icewind cannot believe it. He was forced to change his name to Ice, but he refused. So he is now prisoned with three other cats, Olivefur, a she cat who was openly against the rogues, Lionfoot, a tom who publicly humiliated the rogues, and Russetflower, a she cat who refused to change her name, like Icewind. Olivefur was facing certain execution. Lionfoot was facing torture, and Russetflower is facing exile. Icewind was facing execution too. Surprisingly, Icewind didn't mind dying. All of his loved ones are gone. Only Frostpaw is the one that he truly cared for. He wanted Frostpaw to stay out of any trouble. ''I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way ''I've loved, I've laughed and cried ''I've had my fill, my share of losing ''And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing ''To think I did all that ''And may I say, not in a shy way, ''"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way" ''For what is a man, what has he got? ''If not himself, then he has naught ''To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels '''The record shows I took the blows and did it my way! ''Yes, it was my way. ---- Author's Note : I know that I copied a part from a book. The line where Cloudwind says "Dying? Not at all. Quicker and easier than falling asleep." is the same line where Sirius Black says to Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I just copied it because it just felt right. I am just saying this because there might been some laws about copying a single sentence so....